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[Bird]

Title: The Ghost Of You (One Shot)
Author: Lisa a.k.a Bird
Rating: PG/PG13
Genre: Slash/Angst/Death Fic/Song Fic (sort of)
Pairing: Lauki
POV: Aki
Summary: Aki reflects back on the memories he has of Lauri. Basically an adaptation of the song 'The Ghost Of You' by My Chemical Romance.
Disclaimer: I do not know or own any members of The Rasmus. They are entirely property of themselves. This story is pure fiction and the events that occur have no happened and probably/hopefully never will do. I do not wish to offend anyone with the content of this fic.
Distributor: No parts of this fic may be re-written/reproduced without permission from me; the author.

The Ghost Of You

It seems like only yesterday that you were sitting here with me, smiling slightly to yourself at the sound of new kind of music filling the room. This was how you liked to get your inspiration. You would sit there for hours on end just listening to countless different bands and using the influence of their music to create something of a completely different style, something unique.

No one could ever write songs like you. There was just something there, something special in the lyrics that really spoke to the heart of the listener. You helped so many people in the way that they were able to relate the lyrics to problems in their own lives and in so doing, find ways of solving them. There are people out there that will be eternally grateful to you.

People like me...

’I never said I'd lie in wait forever, If I died, we'd be together, I can't always just forget her, but she could try.’

I don't think you ever really understood how much you meant to me; how much you still mean to me. You were the most special person that ever walked into my life and now you're gone again, almost as suddenly as you appeared. It wasn't fair to either of us for you to go that way; it wasn't fair on anyone....

*

"Aki poo...” You whine slightly, half smiling in a way that tells me you're still half asleep.

I hold you close to me, stroking your hair as I smile down at you, just thinking how lucky I am. You're mine. All mine.

"What's wrong now Lintu?" I ask softly, gazing into your dazzling emerald eyes as you slowly snuggle closer to me so I can feel the heat radiating from your body and your bare skin against mine.

You are silent for a moment or two, seeming rather content with just watching me.

"Have I ever told you just how much I love you?" You ask quietly, smiling slightly at my surprised expression.

“I’m not sure about that.” I mumble, sinking down a little into my pillows so that my eyes are level with yours.

“Well I love you this much.” You stretch your arms as wide as they can possibly go before using them to envelope me in warm, caring hug.

I nuzzle my head into the curve of your neck and inhale the wonderful scent of your hair. You wear the most adorable perfume ever, but there's just something more behind it that makes you smell incredible. There's nothing quite like it.

“I love you too hun.” I whisper, making you giggle cutely as my hot breath tickles the sensitive skin of your neck.

*

’And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me.’

That was one of the most enjoyable times we ever spent in each other’s company; just the two of us and our love for each other. There was no need to pretend that we were somebody else like we constantly had to do as soon as we left the safety of our own home. We could be ourselves and be honest with each other in every way.

‘Get the feeling that you're never, all alone and I remember now.’

Even though I know you’re not here, it sometimes feels that part of you is still here with me; watching over me and taking care of me somehow. It’s almost as though your spirit is living on inside of me, helping me make decisions and influencing different aspects of my life. It feels good to know that a part of you still lives but it can’t change that fact that I will never see you again…

*

“Come on Aki!” You say happily, grabbing my hand, “I’ve got something I want you to see; something I want to tell you!”

“Can’t you just tell me here?” I ask irritably as you practically drag me out of our lovely warm apartment into the harsh iciness of a full bitter Finnish winter.

You shake your head and grin cheekily, seeming impervious to the freezing temperature and howling winds.

“Come on, the quicker you walk, the quicker we get there, and the quicker we can get home.” You inform me and lead the way through the ankle deep snow the covers the pavement in a thick white blanket.

We walk along in silence for about ten minutes, just about managing to fight our way through the blizzard that is whipping around us.

“Almost there now.” You call back to me, “Another five minutes maybe.”

I shake my head, muttering something incoherent but follow you anyway as you make a sudden turn down a small back alley.

Something about this area makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and I halt abruptly. You tug on my hand for a minute before you decide I am not going to move and simply stand there with an expression of confusement etched into your beautiful features.

“What’s the matter, Aki?” You ask in bewilderment, watching me expectantly as though seeking an answer to my behaviour.

I shake my head again and take a step backwards trying to pull you with me but you refuse to move. You always were incredibly stubborn.

“Lauri, let’s go a different way.” I say, just about managing to make myself heard over the sound of the surrounding wind.

You look more puzzled than ever but take an unsure step towards me, your eyes scanning my face still searching for an answer.

“But this way’s quicker!” You insist, “Besides what difference does it make?”

“I don’t know.” I mumble, feeling rather awkward as I rub the back of my neck with my free hand, “I just think we should go a different way.”

You smile slightly, apparently having worked something out as you glance behind you into the darkness of the alley. Is it just me or did I see something moving then?

“Don’t worry, Hattu; I’ll protect you.” You half laugh, tugging on my hand again.

It wasn’t just me, something definitely moved about ten feet behind you then. I squint into the darkness at a point above your right shoulder, straining my eyes to see what it is.

You look puzzled again for a moment and follow my gaze over your shoulder before facing me again and cocking you head to one side slightly, raising an eyebrow at me in silent question.

“L-Lauri, I really think we should go back.” I say shakily as whatever it is behind you moves again, steadily drawing closer.

And then it happens.

“Aki, there’s noth-“ you stop speaking abruptly and your eyes fly wide in a mixture of shock and another expression that I cannot read as a sickening crack fills the still night air.

“Lintu what-“ My eyes widen in horror as you stagger forwards into me, slowly sinking to the floor.

I hear hurried footsteps fading away but barely notice, unable to take my gaze from your back.

*

’And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me.’

I bite my lip to stop hot salty tears leaking over my eyelashes as I remember that horrible night. Why didn’t I stop you taking me out that night? Why was I stupid enough to agree? I’ll never be able to forgive myself for that. Never.

I let myself sink onto the sofa, my gaze fixated on the fire blazing in the grate just watching the flames licking the many envelopes; Christmas cards.

It’s Christmas Eve and the rooms of the house should be bursting full of festive decoration. But they’re not.

Decorating for Christmas was your thing.

You always managed to make the house look spectacular at this time of year and we always seemed to have the best decorations out of everyone we knew. Normally a great glittering Christmas tree would stand in the corner, probably at this present time with you fussing around it, making sure that all the presents were wrapped to your approval and all had name tags and that all of them were there. The walls would have sprigs of holly and mistletoe decorating the walls, tweaked to absolute perfection but the walls now stay bare.

I can’t bare the thought of Christmas without you. No matter how spectacular the decorations may have been, Christmas is just not Christmas without you there. Without your excited squeals on Christmas morning, without you tugging on my arm to get me up so I can watch you unwrap your presents.

Nothing is the same now you’re gone…

*

I fall to my knees at your side, my eyes still wide with horror as they scan your body, panic flooding my body.

You cling tightly to me, your glittering emerald eyes filled with pain and shock. I inhale sharply as something bright crimson begins to stain the perfect white snow underneath you. I carefully begin to roll you onto your side so I can see what has actually happened, dreading what I am going to see. A sudden tight grip on my arm stops me and I look round at it to see your knuckles have turned deathly white as you attempt to stop me.

“I-It hurts, Aki.” You mumble shakily, the panic evident in your voice.

I raise a hand to your head to stroke your soft ebony hair as gently as possible, all the while keeping eye contact.

“I know hun, I know.” I whisper soothingly, “But please, just let me take a look at it.”

You nod slowly and loosen your grip on my arm, seeming to understand the urgency of this situation. I gently roll you onto your side and gasp at the sight that greets me.

A knife, at last twelve inches long, has been embedded into your back straight through your left shoulder blade which must have snapped on impact judging by the terrible cracking noise. Blood is seeping heavily from the wound, saturating your jet black clothes and the surrounding snow.

Without thinking twice, I pull my mobile from my pocket and hurriedly dial an ambulance. After giving details of our whereabouts, I hang up and bundle you up into my arms, whispering words of comfort to you.

I could tell even then that you weren’t going to make it but I still didn’t give up hope.

“Hold on, Lintu.” I whisper, “The ambulance is coming, just please hold on.”

Tears begin to fall from my eyes and gently splash your delicate skin, mingling with your own. You know what is happening I can tell; you know you’re dying. And I think you also know your fate.

“You know as well as I do that I’m not going to make it, love.” You whisper hoarsely, “I ask one thing of you once I’m gone.”

I nod slowly, unable to believe that this is actually happening. We both know that these are the last few minutes we have together.

“Hope.” You mumble as your eyes slowly begin to close, “Have hope, Aki, please.”

I nod again, the words I was about to speak catching in my throat.

“Please don’t leave me, Lauri.” I plead, tears flowing in torrents down my face, “I can’t live without you, please, don’t go where I can’t follow you.”

You laugh a little which obviously pains you but I can tell you’re trying to be brave for me.

“You can follow me someday, Aki.” You say quietly, “Not now but someday.”

I know you’re right but it still doesn’t change anything; I’m about to lose the most important person to me that has ever existed. Nothing can prepare me for a loss as great as that.

“I love you, Aki.” you just about manage to choke out. The pool of blood almost surrounds us now and I can tell you have only minutes perhaps seconds left, “And I always will do, even if I’m not here to prove it to you.”

“I love you too, Lauri.” I assure you, rocking you gently back and forth as I entwine your almost lifeless fingers with mine “I’ll never forget you”

I carefully lean down and gently place my lips upon yours. You just about manage to kiss me back, delicately and sweetly before you are gone…

*

‘At the end of the world, Or the last thing I see.’

That was the last affection I was ever able to express towards you and I’ll never forget it. Never.

I sat there long after you were gone, just weeping into your hair; crying for you; my lost love.

I could never forget that terrible night; a year ago today. Exactly one year.

‘And all the things that you never ever told me.’

It only occurs to me now that I never did find out what you were planning you show me. The thing that you were so excited about; the thing that lead to your death. You never got the chance to tell me and it must have been something important. Part of me feels that it was a good thing that you didn’t tell me what it was as you lay dying in my arms; it may have only lead to disappointment.

I slowly draw myself to my feet and head in the direction of the bedroom, the one that we used to share. My eyes linger for a moment on your side of the bed; the side that has now been empty for twelve whole months. I tear my gaze away from it and slowly change into my pyjamas before slipping under the duvet and rolling over onto my side to face the cold empty space beside me.

’For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me.’

It suddenly hits me just how much my life has changed in the past year. This time two years ago, you would have been snuggled up beside me, most probably too excited to sleep at the prospect of unopened presents waiting under the tree.

I reach out slowly and grab the pillow from your half of the bed. I clutch it tightly to me, inhaling your scent that still lingers upon it after all this time; the one I love so much. I screw my eyes tight shut, fooling my mind that it is you I am holding so close to me and it is your slim waist that my arms are wrapped so tightly around. It suddenly dawns me that you will never see this house again; you will never come home.

‘You are, Never coming home, Never coming home, Never coming home, Never coming home.’

Yet part of you still remains here, in this house, in me.

The Ghost Of You
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A Happy Ending Is A Story That Isn't Finished Yet.