Fan Fiction Forum

[Bird]

Title: Yours
Author: Lisa aka Bird, Dynasty, Betrayed, Lintu, me etc.
Type: Ficlet.
Rating: PG13.
Genre: Slash/Angst/Romance.
Pairing: Jonne Aaron/Lauri Ylönen.
POV: Jonne.
Influence: Yours - Lovex.
Summary: 'I'm your pain, you are my hurt. Just take me as I am. Believe I am yours.
Disclaimer: I do not own or know any members of The Rasmus, Negative or HIM. Nor do I own Tommi Liimatainen or Seppo Vesterinen. They are property of themselves. This fic is from my own twisted imagination so has never happened and I doubt it ever will. I do not wish to offend anyone with the content of this fic.
Distributor: NO parts of this fic may be reproduced in ANY way without permission from me, the author.

----

It’s raining again.

I lean my head against the window, feeling the glass humming gently against my cheek due to a combination of the rain lashing against it and the swift movement of the train. The rain has been flooding down for the past three days and appears to be following us along our route like some kind of dark omen, stalking us across the Finnish border into Russia.

As I am not Russian, I’m not familiar with the climate of this country, but in Finland rain at this time of year is considered to be somewhat unusual. At this time of year, the lakes are normally frozen solid and thick blankets of snow smother the grass, coating the pavements and buildings with an icy glaze. This year there was snow for perhaps a week before it was melted and washed away in the rain.

A heavy sigh escapes me and I glance at my watch, wishing that this journey would come to an end. Currently, this journey has managed to span across two and half hours and, with the addition of a near enough seven hour journey from Helsinki to St Petersburg yesterday, I can safetly say that train is by no means my favourite way to travel. The only advantage is that Tommi, my elder brother who is also my manager, felt that we should travel in luxury if we were being forced to sit on a train for four and half hours, which has resulted in a train compartment being devoted to the three bands that are travelling on this tour.

I wriggle down a little more into my seat and turn my gaze back to what lies beyond the window, absently watching thin trickles of rain water run down the glass as they branch off into separate currents, only to pool together again at the base of the window and slip down the side of the train. The clouds from which these droplets are falling are obscured by the darkness they themselves have created and the sky appears to be a never-ending stretch of deep, bleak grey. It’s enough to make anyone feel depressed.

However, a small, moderately satisfied smile curls at the corners of my lips as I notice that he is watching me, despite the fact that he is obviously attempting to do it discreetly. I watch his reflection carefully in the window, chuckling softly inside as I observe that he is trying to catch my eye, yet I refrain myself from offering him the full attention he so clearly wants from me.

Instead, I choose to act as though I have not noticed him and avert my gaze back to what resides beyond the window whilst rummaging in my coat pocket for my headphones which I proceed to insert into my ears. I absently search for my music player and press play so I’m soon happily settled back in my seat with Guns ‘N’ Roses playing in my ears.

Despite this, it appears that he has not been deterred because I suddenly become aware of the fact that my mobile is vibrating in my pocket. Intrigued, I ferret about in my pocket for my phone and read the message that I have recieved:

‘Are you blanking me, Mr Liimatainen?’

A small, sheepish grin works its way across my lips at this and I automatically hit the reply button without registering the fact that I am indeed blanking him.

‘Maybe I am, Mr Ylönen. Why? It doesn’t bother you, does it?’

I feel a little apprehensive that our companions might notice something but it appears that they have not observed a thing because they don’t comment on it. Yet, while part of me is terrified that they’ll somehow discover what has been going on, a greater part of me wishes that I could just get to my feet, go over to him, sit in his lap and kiss him in full view of them just so that we don’t have to hide anymore.

Lauri and I have been ‘seeing’ each other for the best part of three months now but have somehow managed to conceal it from our bandmates, either by skill or pure luck I’m not sure. There have been many times when they’ve almost walked into a room where the two of us have been getting rather intimate but something has mangaged to distract them enough to stop them from doing so.

I’m not entirely sure what caused our ‘fling’ as we were both far too drunk to recall any of the night’s events. The only way we realised that something had happened was when morning arrived and we woke up naked in his bed together with our arms wrapped around each other. The strange thing was that neither of us regretted it. I had expected him to tell me that it was a drunken mistake and ask me to leave but he did nothing of the sort. Of course, it was a little bit awkward at first but once we’d gotten over the initial shock it wasn’t too bad. Far from it, actually.

Recently, I’ve been talking to him a lot, trying to pursuade him to help me enlighten the others about what has been happening during all the time we’ve spent alone together and just tell them outright that we’re an item, but he won’t listen to me. Although I understand why we keep this a secret, I don’t see why he’s making such a big deal out of hiding it. It provokes doubts within me about his feelings towards me and whether all of this actually means anything to him. I know it does but I do have my insecurities from time to time.

Presently, I become aware that our companions are slowly getting to their feet but I dismiss it and act as though I have not noticed, focusing my gaze upon the rain trickling slowly down the glass of the window to further this illusion.

“Hey, Lintu; we’re going for lunch.” I hear Eero telling Lauri over the sound of my music, “You coming?”

“Nah, not hungry.” Lauri replies, whether honestly or not I cannot tell, “I wanna try and finish these lyrics anyway. I’ll have something to eat in Moscow.”

Eero responds to this with a simple nod of the head before he turns and follows his fellow bandmates and HIM out of the door. Christus, my best friend and guitarist in my band, turns to me whilst hitching his bag onto his shoulder but I pretend not to notice, tapping my foot slightly in time with the beat of the song I am listening to in the hope that he will get the idea that I wish not to be disturbed.

“Jonne, you coming for lunch?” He questions, watching me expectantly but I don’t react in the slightest, “Earth to Jonne!” He raises his voice considerably with these words but, in getting no response, he is forced to roll his eyes and turn to Lauri, “When he comes back to earth, can you tell him where we’ve gone and tell him to come and find us if he wants something to eat?”

“Sure thing.” Lauri smiles and, from what I can see of his reflection, there is a rather knowing glimmer present in his eyes, “How long are you gonna be?”

“An hour? Maybe.” Christus pauses in the doorway and shrugs, “We’re not allowed to bring food back are we? I swear Tommi said we have to stay in the dining carriage with it.”

“Ahh, okay then.” Lauri’s smile grows a little at this, though Christus presumably interprets a different reason for it than me, “See you then.”

Christus waves a little in farewell before the door slides shut but I wait until the sound of their footsteps and voices has faded completely before I turn my music player off, put my headphones in my pocket and turn to Lauri who is currently watching me with a rather amused smile.

“Hmm...” I murmur softly, a slight mischievous grin spread across my face as my eyes scan the empty compartment, and his smile grows slightly, “I thought they’d never leave. Come here, you.”

He laughs a little at this and abandons his song writing jotter to shuffle along the padded seats towards me, coming to a halt when he is sat right beside me.

“So, what’s our excuse this time if they come back and we’re still breathing like we’ve just ran a marathon?” He mumbles as I lean my head closer to his, drawing a quiet giggle out of me.

“Let’s see...” I move my face closer to his again so that his lips are mere centimetres away from my own, fiddling absently with the black scarf that is slung around his neck, “How about we tie our scarves together and say we got bored and had a tug of war, only we got a bit carried away?”

“Genius.” He mumbles affectionately and raises a hand to gently brush a stray dreadlock out of my face, “They said they were going to the dining carriage for lunch.”

“And they’ll be gone for an hour.” I finish, smiling as he raises his eyebrows slightly, “Yes, I heard. I was just ignoring him. Anyway, fuck them; think of all the things we can do in a whole hour.”

“You have a one track mind, Jonne.” He laughs softly, his beautiful emerald eyes sparkling.

“You’re the one with the one track mind, Lauri.” I inform him, prodding him playfully in the shoulder, “Whoever said I was talking about that?”

“Fair point.” He agrees as I absently run a hand up his arm, “But I know you so I know that’s what you were thinking.”

“Oh, really?” I raise an eyebrow slightly in response to this comment, “Then I suppose you know what I’m thinking right now?”

“I think I have an idea.” He tells me, smiling when I use his scarf to draw him closer to me and pull his lips onto mine, “And that idea was correct.”

“Vain!” I murmur against his lips, causing him to smile and slip his arms around my waist as he starts to return the kiss.

His arms tighten their grip around my waist as he kisses me slowly, parting his lips slightly to gently coax and suck my bottom lip which draws a breathy moan out of me. I press myself closer to him and slide my hand upwards to cup his face whilst allowing my fingers to fiddle gently with the hair on the nape of his neck. He lightly swipes his tongue across my lips, questioning for entrance which I grant immediately, and we moan quietly in unison as his soft tongue meets with mine in a passionate dance.

I entangle my fingers into his silky ebony hair in order to tug him closer to me and deepen our kiss as he gently pushes me backwards into a lying position and crawls on top of me. He runs a hand up my side, sneakily sliding it underneath my top and across the taut flesh of my stomach, causing me to shiver and gasp and my hands leave his hair so I can start to fiddle with his hooded top.

“No, Jonne.” He pulls away from me, panting slightly, “Not here. It’s not safe.”

“When then?” I question, my hands still resting upon the hem of his hooded top in preparation to pull it over his head if I have to, “Or is that just your way of saying ‘No, Jonne, I don’t want to have sex with you but I don’t want to hurt your feelings so I’ll just give you the old ‘it’s not safe’ excuse’?”

“Jonne, for God’s sake, I’m seriously dying to just shag the arse off you right now!” He tells me exasperatedly and I feel myself blush slightly, “I really am, but it’s just not safe to do it here. I promise you; once we get to the hotel in Moscow, I’m taking you to my room and you’re not leaving until the soundcheck tomorrow.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” I inform him with a grin as he presses a kiss to my lips and he smirks slightly before planting a trail of kisses along my jawline and down onto my neck.

I giggle a little as he gently nibbles at the sensitive skin, squirming slightly at the tickling sensation it gives me, and allow my hands to slip under his top.

“Lauri?” I mumble as I run my hands across the skin of his torso and I presume that the slight vibration I feel against my skin where his mouth is indicates that he’s listening, “Maybe we shouldn’t make up some excuse for when they come back...maybe we should just let them walk in and find us like this.”

“Jonne...” He begins with a heavy sigh and pulls away from my neck to look at me properly again, “That’s not a good idea.”

“Why not?” I ask, though I’ve had this conversation with him enough times to know why it isn’t, “What’s the worst thing they could say?”

“Hmm...How about ‘oh my God, that’s fucking wrong, don’t come near me again; I don’t wanna be in the same band as a fucking faggot’?” He offers, a slightly bitter edge to his voice, making me recall just how much he resents how common that view appears to be, “That’s how screwed up society is today. They don’t care about your feelings. If you’re gay then there’s something wrong with you; you’re abnormal and everyone treats you that way. That’s what they could say, Jonne.”

“Hey, don’t say that...” A pitying expression dawns upon my face and I raise a hand to caress his cheek gently, “Come on, they’re our friends. They wouldn’t say that. They’d understand.”

“Would they though?” He counters, obviously still not convinced, “Or would they say it’s disgusting and never speak to us again?”

“They’d understand.” I repeat firmly, looking him deep in the eye, “And you’re never gonna know unless we tell them, are you?” He bites his lip with obvious apprehension at these words and glances away from me, “I know you’re scared but we’re gonna have to tell them sooner or later. I think they’d take it better if we told them ourselves rather than them walking in on us or something.”

Another sigh escapes him and he returns his gaze to me, a troubled glimmer present in his eyes, and I feel a faint sense of hope rising within me as I realise that I’ve gotten through to him this time. However, feeling slightly sorry for him, I wrap my arms around him and gently pull him down into a hug, allowing him to rest his head on my chest while I stroke his hair and kiss his forehead softly.

“Jonne, I want to tell them...” He tells me quietly after a few minutes of silence, “I really do, but I’m scared about what they’ll say if we do. I’m worried that they’ll say something that will really hurt you and I don’t think I could stand that. Even if it’s only been three months, I really care about you. I love you so fucking much.”

A shy smile spreads across my face at his words and I place a hand under his chin, gently lifting his head up so I can press a soft kiss to his lips. He smiles weakly and moves up so that his face is level with mine again as I lure him into another kiss. After a few minutes of slow, gentle kissing, we gradually break apart for air and I look him deep in the eye again.

“They won’t hurt me.” I assure him, smiling a little to give added security to my words, “Don’t worry; I’m stronger than that.”


Whether it’s a good thing or not, our friends do not notice a thing when they come back from lunch. Despite us only realising they were on their way back about a minute before they walked through the door, Lauri managed to scoot back to where he was sitting before they left and pick up his songwriting jotter while I swung my legs round onto the seat and we both sat in such a way that it really did look as though we had gotten bored and were having some random conversation to pass the time. We didn’t even have to offer an excuse about why both our faces were flushed and we were breathing slightly heavier than usual, although we had hurriedly tied our scarves together in case the question did arise.

“Jonne, get your feet off the seats!” Tommi practically shrieks at me as soon as he enters the compartment, looking absolutely horrified that I have even dared to do such a thing, “This is a luxury train! You can’t get dirt on the seat!”

At this, Lauri and I exchange a quick, amused glance at the thought that there could have been something much worse on the seats if they’d taken longer at lunch, but look away so fast that there is no possibility that the others could have noticed.

“Okay, okay.” I mutter irritably and shuffle back round into the position I was in before they left, “There, happy now?”

“Yes, thank you.” Tommi replies haughtily before stalking off to find Seppo, the manager of Lauri’s band, The Rasmus, and HIM.

“Nice to know that you’ll talk to Lauri but you won’t talk to me.” Christus comments sarcastically as he drops back into his seat beside me, “No offence, Lauri.”

Lauri merely smiles weakly at this and turns his gaze back to his songwriting jotter which pleases me slightly as I can now tell that he is not at all pleased that they have come back from lunch and disturbed us. It’s only a matter of time before he’ll want to tell them now.


Once we eventually arrive at the hotel in Moscow, our managers call us together in the lobby and Tommi pulls out a piece of paper that I presume has room sharing arrangements printed on it. I absently listen to the pairings he is reading out but the main focus of my attention is drawn to Lauri who is standing some distance away from me with his band mates and appears to be determined not to make eye contact with me despite my efforts.

“Christus, you’re sharing with Larry.” I am brought abruptly out of my daydream of visualising Lauri naked and covered in whipped cream by Tommi’s voice, and glance around myself to see that there is only myself, Larry, Christus and Lauri left standing in the lobby with our managers.

“I get first pick of beds!” Christus shrieks gleefully and Larry opens his mouth to protest but Christus is already pelting away up the stairs so he presumably decides that arguing is not the best idea and hurriedly follows our insane guitarist.

“So that leaves...Lauri and Jonne.” Tommi reads from his plan and then frowns slightly, “Wait, that’s not right.”

“You’re putting us together again?” I question, raising an eyebrow in question, though I know exactly how it has worked out this way again, “Fair enough.”

“That’s really weird.” Tommi appears deeply confused and examines his plan carefully but is then forced to shrug, “You two don’t mind sharing?”

“Nah, not at all.” I reply and look to Lauri who mumbles something in agreement of my words, “What room is it?”

“Twelve.” Tommi answers, still looking over his plan in confusion, “We have a whole floor to ourselves. Sorry about this guys, I really don’t know what’s happened here. Must be Ville messing with the plan or something.”

“Sounds like something he would do.” I nod, feeling slightly guilty for putting the blame on my little brother but I do not allow myself to express it in any way and simply haul my bag onto my shoulder, “You coming, Lauri?”

“Yup.” He replies and we walk to the foot of the stairs together, leaving our managers standing in the lobby discussing the plan, and Lauri leans towards me to whisper in my ear, “In more ways than one.”

I smile kinkily at him and give him a playful shove in order to punish him slightly for his words, though they provoke a sense of excitement within me. He raises his eyebrows a little and pokes me in the side, causing me to punch his arm lightly, which in turn results in him digging his finger into my ribs.

“Oh, guys.” Tommi calls to us when we’re half way up the staircase so we pause our little playfight to look down at him, “We’re gonna go and find somewhere to eat in about an hour, okay? Make sure you’re ready and let the others know.”

“Oki.” I respond to this and then grin at Lauri, “I call the bathroom!”

I start to sprint up the stairs, noticing Lauri’s eyes widen slightly and Tommi shakes his head so I assume he actually believes that what I said to Lauri are my real reasons for hurrying. I giggle manically as Lauri chases me up several flights of stairs to the floor where our room is located, getting several odd looks from the other guests that are staying here.

“Going for food in an hour!” I shout as I run past the rooms that our band mates are occupying, “Tommi says make sure you’re ready or he’s gonna kill you!”

I curse loudly as I reach room number twelve fumbling around for the key that I had shoved into my pocket on the stairwell as I see that Lauri is drawing closer to me.

“Shit, you stupid door! Open!” I giggle at the door when I insert the key into the lock and turn it but nothing happens, “Open, or I’m gonna get raped!”

“Pfft, as if I’m gonna rape you.” I jump slightly as Lauri’s voice suddenly makes itself audible right behind me and he lowers it slightly to say his next words, “It’s hard to rape someone who’s begging for it.”

“Yeah, you wish I was that desperate.” I snort a little, being careful to keep my voice down so that we won’t be overheard, though I honestly would not care if we were, but I can tell that Lauri differs in his opinion.

“I think the train journey said it all really.” He comments and a smug smile forms across his lips as he notices the expression of shock across my face.

“Get in there, now!” I command him as I eventually manage to open the door to our room, “Go on, go!”

His smile grows at this and he hitches his bag more onto his shoulder as he saunters past me into the room, giggling slightly at the intense glare that is etched across my face. I merely scowl at him before my gaze fixates itself onto his ass and I am in preparation to start drooling when Christus appears in the corridor.

“What was that you said about Tommi?” Christus questions from the doorway to his room and it takes me a moment to stop staring at the hot arse in front of me before I swallow hard and turn to face Christus.

“He said that we’re going out to look for somewhere to eat in about an hour.” I answer, hoping that he will not notice my efforts to stop saliva pouring out of my mouth, “Make sure you’re ready.”

“Okay.” Christus smiles before a slight frown crosses his face as he presumably notices how tightly I am gripping the door handle, “Jonne, you okay?”

“Yeah.” I answer, my thoughts racing to come up with an excuse for my strange behaviour, “Just dying for a wee, y’know?”

“Right...” He looks at me oddly for a moment but seems to decide that it’s best not to question it, “Well, I’d better go and stop Larry stealing my stuff. Have a nice wee, Jonne.”

“Will do.” I wave slightly and wait until he has walked back into his room and shut the door before I allow myself to breathe again, “Laurikins.”

I slip inside the room that I’m going to be sharing with Lauri and the door barely has time to click shut behind me before he attacks me, pushing me up against it. I smile to myself as he lures me into a slow, gentle kiss, and let my bag fall to the floor to wrap my arms around the back of his neck and draw him closer to me.

“We still have an hour before we have to meet them.” I inform him quietly with a wicked grin as we pull away from each other slightly for oxygen.

“Mm...” He raises an eyebrow in response to my words and presses a tender kiss to my lips, “Think of all the things we can do in a whole hour.”

“You have a one track mind, Lauri.” I laugh at the repitition of our conversation on the train, “But I agree; that thought is most interesting.”

“I’m glad you think so.” He murmurs as he runs his hands across the small of my back, “Because I am inclined to think so too.”

“Oo, easy tiger.” A kinky smile spreads across my face as he pushes me more against the door, his hand slipping downwards to caress my thigh through the fabric of my jeans.

“Rawr!” He growls softly into my open mouth as I pull him back towards me for another kiss, causing me to smile widely, and I slowly slide my hands downwards until the tips of my fingers come to rest just inside his trousers.


“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“Wow.”

“Uh huh.”

“Wow.”

“Jonne, stop saying that!”

“I can’t help it!” I protest in my defence and prod him in the side, “That was absolutely amazing!”

“You’re telling me.” He agrees and cuddles me tightly, “It was more than just amazing; it was fucking unbelievable! God, you’ve worn me out big time.”

I giggle at his last words and kiss his bare chest gently before snuggling up to him and nuzzling my nose into the curve of his neck. He takes my free hand in his and absently plays with my fingers, ocassionally linking them through his own.

“So, was it worth the wait?” He questions as he allows the fingers of his other hand to ghost along the bare skin of my side.

“Hell yes.” I reply and he smiles when I sigh tiredly, “I’m not gonna forget that in a hurry.”

“That’s because it was your first time.” He tells me and laughs when I glare at him, “I’m kidding, I’m kidding! I can understand why you’re not gonna forget it. That was truly amazing.”

“I should hope so.” I narrow my eyes suspiciously before I remember that we’re supposed to be meeting Tommi and our friends soon, “Shit, what time is it?!”

“Erm...” He lets go of my hand to rummage around at the side of the bed for his trousers which I presume have his mobile phone in the pocket, “We have half an hour before we have to go and meet them.”

“Oki.” I nod and then smile slightly, “You know, that means-“

“Rawr!” He growls again and I giggle hysterically as he rolls me onto my back and pull him down into another kiss.
_________________
A Happy Ending Is A Story That Isn't Finished Yet.

[Bird]

“Antti, go and tune your bass! Larry, Christus, make sure your pedals are working properly! Jay, is that drum kit alright? Snack, keyboards! Now!” Tommi almost yells the next morning, “And where the hell is Jonne?!”

I pull away from Lauri momentarily as I hear my name being bellowed by my elder brother, glancing at the door as though he is going to burst through it at any moment.

It’s gig day so everything is incredibly hectic with an insane amount of interviews and photoshoots, as well as soundchecks and stage preparation. We arrived at the venue about two hours ago and Tommi is practically tearing his hair out trying to get everything organised in time for the show. By the sounds of things, my band is supposed to be getting ready to do a soundcheck but are doing a terrible job of getting set up and ready to do so.

“Sounds like I have maybe two more minutes.” I tell Lauri quietly and tug him back towards me again, “So come here you.”

He smiles a little but his expression soon becomes serious as I engulf him in another kiss, winding his arms around my waist as I lose my hands in his dark hair.

This is the first chance we’ve had to really see each other today other than for perhaps about ten minutes this morning. As soon as neither of us was being summoned by our managers, we pelted into a dressing room that is not being used tonight for some quick ‘private time’. It amazes me that no one has noticed that when one of us disappears, the other one is nowhere to be found either. We must have gotten exceptionally skilled at hiding this.

“Awww, noooo! Don’t go!” Lauri whines at me as I pull away from him again, and tightens his grip around my waist, pouting slightly, “I don’t want you to!”

“I don’t want me to either.” I agree, smiling as he widens his eyes, making him look absolutely adorable, “But I think Tommi might explode if I don’t go.”

“That’s gaaaaaaaay!” He complains, looking deeply upset which makes my smile grow wider, “Promise me you’ll come back?”

“I promise.” I assure him softly and plant a gentle kiss upon his lips, “But there’s no guarantee that you’ll still be here ‘cos your soundcheck is right after ours.”

“True...” He appears to ponder this for a moment, “During HIM’s soundcheck? They’ll be a huge thing like last time with them trying to pursuade Ville to check all his mics.”

“Good ploy.” I grin as I fiddle absently with the hair on the nape of his neck, “I’ll meet you here, or in some random place if here isn’t free. Want another kiss before I go?”

“What a stupid question.” He murmurs, causing me to giggle quietly until he covers my mouth with his own once more.

“No, Lauri, not now!” I scold as his hand sneakily makes its way downwards to my thigh but I can’t help smiling, “Later. There’s too much stuff that needs doing now.”

“Well that sucks...” He comments and frowns when I crack up laughing, “What?”

“Nothing, it’s just the way you said it.” I reply and press an overly sloppy kiss to his lips which causes him to raise his eyebrows slightly, “Now I’ve really got to go before Tommi eats me alive.”

“That would be quite interesting to see.” Lauri contemplates this idea as I take his hand and lead the way over to the door, “Not that I want him to, of course. It would just be interesting to see him eat his little brother.”

“Nah, you’d just be jealous because you wouldn’t get to do it.” I stick my tongue out at him, which causes him to smile and shake his head as I open the door, “Now, which way is the stage? I forget...”

“Right.” He answers and prods me in the back to make me walk, “And then right again.”

“Alright, smart ass.” I narrow my eyes slightly, resulting in a rather smug smile spreading across his face but it soon disappears as I grip his hand tightly.

Since our night of intimacy last night, we’ve been all over each other, unable to get enough. Lauri is greatly pleased that he has managed to make his point that he really does want to sleep with me and that he wasn’t just making up excuses when we were on the train. Last night has definitely increased my sense of security about his feelings towards me. Yesterday morning, I was having enormous doubts about whether he truly cared for me but the time we spent together pushed all of them away. I don’t think I’ve been as happy as I am right now for a long time.

“Lauri, get off my ass!” I hiss quietly and slap his hand in order to make him take it away, blushing furiously.

“I can’t help it if you have a hot ass.” He mutters in his defence and smiles when my cheeks flush even more.

“There you are!” Tommi screeches as I eventually make my way onto the stage where he is standing with my band mates, “Jonne, where the hell have you been?! You have a soundcheck to do!”

“I was talking to someone.” I lie calmly, “Anyway, I’m here now so why does it matter?”

“Because we could have almost been finished with it now if you’d been here sooner!” Tommi complains, making it obvious that he is in a particularly bad mood today, “What’s he doing here?”

He nods towards Lauri who is stood beside me, looking a little uncomfortable in this situation. I notice the way that Christus is staring at me and suddenly become aware of the fact that I’m still holding Lauri’s hand so I hurriedly let go of it.

“Is he not allowed to be here?” I question, raising an eyebrow slightly at my elder brother who appears to be going insane, “His band is playing here tonight as well and their soundcheck is right after ours so he might as well be here. He’s not exactly doing any harm.”

“Fine, he can stay, but go and get your microphone ready now!” Tommi commands and points across the stage towards the carry case for my microphones as though to add a threat to his words.

“Okay, I’m going.” I roll my eyes and dawdle across the stage to the mircophones.


“Lauri, get your hands out of my pants!” I giggle manically as Lauri slips his hands down the back of my trousers, squeezing my ass slightly, “This isn’t the time or the place.”

“Oh, and the train is?” He enquires, his eyebrows raised, “It’s not as if I’m trying to have my wicked way with you.”

“Yes, but you are groping me rather a lot.” I point out and lean my forehead against his, “And that’s almost as bad.”

“I don’t see how it is really.” He murmurs, continuing with his groping, “But the thing is that you actually love every single minute of both.”

“Oh do I really?” I question amusedly, “And how do you know that?”

“Well, firstly you’re not stopping me from groping you now.” He answers and I am forced to nod in agreement, “And there was something in the way you were moaning and begging for more last night that just gave me the faintest inkling that you were enjoying it.”

“I hate you.” I mutter against his lips as I kiss them gently and he smiles widely before he slowly starts to return the kiss.

He uses the fact that his hands are still down the back of my trousers to pull me closer to him while I caress his face softly, allowing my fingers to gently entwine themselves into his hair. I press myself closer to him as I kiss him with a new found urgency that he matches immediately, drawing me more into his body.

“I knew it.”

We break apart immediately as a sudden voice speaks and I look wildly around myself, my eyes widening considerably as I spot Christus closing the door after himself. I find myself gripping Lauri’s arms tightly, absolutely terrified of what is about to come as there is no point in denying that there’s something going on between us because Christus has obviously just seen it. However, after a moment, a smile spreads across his face.

“Y-you knew what?” I question shakily, glancing at Lauri who appears to have frozen, his gaze transfixed upon Christus.

“I knew there was something going on between you two.” Christus answers and laughs at the expressions on our faces, “It’s okay, you can relax. I’m not gonna tell anyone. It’s not my place.”

I let out a breath I hadn’t realised I was holding as I notice that my best friend looks completely ecstatic at his discovery rather than disgusted, and I smile weakly at him, feeling Lauri relax ever so slightly.

“How did you know?” I ask, a little fearful that the others might have noticed something as well.

“Jonne, you’re my best friend; I can tell when you like someone.” He replies with a smile, “And before you start panicking, it’s not obvious to everyone else. I noticed that you smiled whenever anyone so much as mentioned Lauri’s name and you were always texting him and stuff. Then you started going on random trips to Helsinki and never told anyone why. I was checking up on how well tickets were selling for this tour and I noticed that all your Helsinki visits coincided with when The Rasmus were off tour and back in Finland. Then Lauri started appearing in Tampere on random days and there never seemed to be any reason for it. The start of this tour kinda spelled it out for me really; the way you keep sneaking off together and how you always manage to be sharing rooms in our hotels.”

“You’re far too clever.” I comment which makes him laugh, “But are you sure no one else knows anything about it?”

“Well, none of the guys know and none of The Rasmus know either.” Christus tells me as he perches himself on the other end of the table to us, “I know that because the guys would have asked me about it because I know you best, and The Rasmus would have asked Eero because he knows Lauri best and then he would have asked me to see whether you’d told me anything.”

“Yeah, he would.” Lauri agrees, seeming a lot more at ease now, “You’re not bothered by it, are you?”

“Bothered by it?” Christus frowns slightly, “Why would I be? I’m not homophobic by any means, mate. Notice all the stage kissing with Jonne? I’m absolutely thrilled for you!”

“See, I told you he wouldn’t take it badly.” I turn my attention to Lauri again and raise a hand to stroke his cheek gently, “They’re our best friends. They won’t hate us.”

“I know Eero won’t but I’m worried about the others.” He sighs quietly, “I don’t know how they’ll react.”

“Well, there’s only one way to find out really.” Christus points out and Lauri nods slowly in agreement, chewing on his lower lip in an adorably nervous manner, “Our band will take it fine. If they were against anything like that then we would have split up ages ago.”

“What about when you kissed Eero a few years ago?” I question, “Pauli wasn’t bothered by that.”

“Yeah, but I only kissed him because I lost a bet and had to.” He reminds me and glances at Christus somewhat uncomfortably as he presumably realises that his hands are still down the back of my trousers, “So it wouldn’t have bothered him because it didn’t mean anything.”

“I could always go and find Eero and bring him here.” Christus suggests but Lauri shakes his head immediately.

“No.” He says quickly and removes his hands from the back on my trousers to merely stand with his arms wrapped around my waist, “I know what Aki and Pauli are like. They’ll wanna know why you want him.”

“I could just say that I want a quick word with him about something.” Christus points out, both of us watching Lauri carefully.

“I guess...” He mumbles, not seeming all too happy, “But maybe Jonne and I should decide ourselves when we want to tell everyone?”

“Yeah, that would work better.” Christus agrees with a small smile although he doesn’t really seem all that convinced, “It gives you more time to figure out what you’re gonna say to them.”

“You want to tell them?” I question softly, peering carefully into Lauri’s face, and he nods, his eyes locked with mine so I can tell he’s not just saying it to make me feel better, “When do you want to tell them?”

“Hmm...” He trails off and appears rather thoughtful for a moment, “The last day of this tour?”

“Okay.” I agree and smile as I press a gentle kiss to his lips, “But haven’t you got another tour straight after this one? Are you sure you want to put up with your bandmates asking questions?”

“Eero won’t, and the other two are just too easy to ignore.” He informs me, causing Christus and I to laugh a little, “We have a few days off before we go back on tour anyway so they can deal with it then.”

“Are you sure you want to tell them then?” I question him, not wanting him to feel pressurized into this, “Because I don’t mind waiting until a different time if you’d be more comfortable with it.”

“No, I want to tell them then.” He replies firmly and I notice that Christus smiles, “You’re right by what you said yesterday. I don’t see why I should be ashamed of you, of what we have...”

I find this so sweet that I can’t help pressing a tender kiss to his lips before wrapping my arms around the back of his neck to hug him tightly, resting my head against his chest. For some reason, this causes Christus to let out a squeal and the two of us look at him in alarm.

“You two are so cute!” He tells us in response to our questioning gazes, practically bobbing up and down with delight, “It’s absolutely adorable! It really is!”

“Err...thanks?” Lauri says uncertainly and Christus beams at him.

A slightly awkward silence falls during which I look pointedly at Christus, trying to tell him that this would be a good time for him to leave us alone again. However, he seems oblivious to the fact that Lauri and I want some time alone after making this important decision, so I clear my throat loudly in the hope that this will get the point across to him.

“Oh, sorry!” He apologises hurriedly, still grinning widely, “I’ll leave you to it.”

He waves madly in goodbye, and then flounces happily over to the door. He checks the corridor carefully before disappearing into it, smiling widely until the door shuts behind him.

“Is...Is he always like that?” Lauri questions tentatively after a few more moments of silence, his fingers absently fiddling with the ends of my hair.

“Pretty much.” I reply and turn my head to look up at him with a smile, “See, my sexy little friend; I told you they wouldn’t hate us.”

He smiles a little at this and runs a hand up my back before placing a finger under my chin and gently lifting my head up so that he can press a soft kiss to my lips.

“I love you.” He murmurs against my lips and I can’t stop a smile spreading across my face as I start to kiss him in return, making an effort to show him just how much I love him.


The next few days seem to pass in some kind of dreamy haze. The fact that Christus knows about our relationship now is actually a bonus because he helps to deter people who are thinking of entering a room where Lauri and I are, or at least gives us some kind of warning if he can’t manage to get rid of them.

However, Lauri seems a lot less concerned about our bandmates noticing anything now. Christus’ reaction seems to have spurred a new kind of confidence in him and he does not hesitate in holding my hand or complimenting me on my outfit in front of people.

“They look really cool!” He tells me, examining my jeans as he speaks, and I can’t help smiling at the confused expressions that are written across the faces of his bandmates.

“Erm...Lauri?” Pauli questions uncertainly and Lauri turns his head to look at him, “Why are you holding Jonne’s hand?”

“I want to.” Lauri replies simply, “Is there anything wrong with that?”

Pauli mutters something inaudible and turns back to his friends and I giggle when Lauri rolls his eyes. I consider snuggling up against him, but decide that this might be taking things a bit too far, and instead settle for gripping his hand tightly.

It’s hard to believe how much better things have gotten over just a few days, and I suppose I really owe it all to Christus. However, despite my happiness, I can’t shake off the feeling that it’s not going to last.


This small inkling proves to have some truth to it the very next day.

I wander down to breakfast on my own in a rather lovesick daze. Lauri was summoned away by his bandmates about an hour ago so I said I would meet him in the hotel restaurant.

Another night of heated passion has found me even more attached to him than I was previously and I discover that it’s impossible to get him out of my head. Every second I’m not with him I’m thinking about him now. I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this about anyone.

The tour has moved us on into Germany and our three bands are better known here so this has led to increased demand and a greater number of dates for us to play compared to that of Russia. We’re currently staying in Munich in preparation to travel over the German border into Austria and the city of Vienna.

I meet Christus in the lobby of the hotel and it appears he was intending to find me because he doesn’t disappear upstairs as I expected him to. Instead, he walks alongside me as I head down the corridor.

“How are you today then?” He questions and I notice that there is a slight essence of anxiety to his tone and facial expression as he looks me up and down.

“Fine, thanks.” I smile slightly whilst raising an eyebrow a little in question, “You?”

“Yeah, really good...” He replies absently as though he didn’t really hear my question, “Is everything alright between you and Lauri?”

“Yeah.” I frown, suddenly feeling a little apprehensive, “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Oh, no reason.” He answers, a little too quickly for my liking, “No reason at all.”

This does nothing to reassure me and a sense of worry crawls its way into my belly, giving me the sensation of nerves that usually occurs just before I walk onstage. Deciding to dismiss it for now, I follow Christus into the restaurant and over to the table where our bandmates are seated with the members of HIM.

The nine of them have their heads together in the middle of the table and appear to be reading something that must be highly interesting because they don’t spare Christus and me a glance as we sit down beside them. I lean over to try and get a better look at what they’re reading, but Christus suddenly becomes highly interested in my Led Zeppelin shirt and starts asking me where I bought it from, which leads to a long conversation about the band. By the time I finally get round to ordering my breakfast, all thoughts about what my friends were reading have evaporated from my mind, until Ville, HIM’s singer, decides to start a conversation with me.

“Hei, Jonne, did you see this?” He questions as my breakfast arrives, and holds up today’s edition of the Finnish newspaper ‘Helsingin Sanomat’.

“No, why?” I pause in pouring sugar on my porridge to look at him confusedly, not really understanding why they found the newspaper so interesting, but I notice Christus making frantic gestures for Ville not to give it to me behind me.

“Lauri’s been up to no good.” He tells me and I feel myself tense slightly, “Here, take a look.”

To Christus’ obvious dismay, I take the newspaper from Ville’s outstretched hand and unfold it to reveal the front page. My eyes widen slightly and my mouth feels suddenly dry as I begin to read the article.


‘Young blonde tells of night of passion with Rasmus frontman

Natalia Kalliomäki, 24, of Helsinki, told last night of intimate encounter with Rasmus singer, Lauri Ylönen. The incident, said to have taken place on November 14th of last year, is likely to crush rumours that the singer is still seeing PMMP frontwoman, Paula Vesala. Full story pages 4 and 5.’

I turn to the indicated pages, feeling a cold sense of dread washing over me; how could he do this to me? The start of the article is basically just recapping what has been said on the front page. I hurriedly skim it and then begin reading the rest of the article:

‘”Oh yes, he was fantastic in bed.” Said Natailia when asked for a comment, “Very good with his hands.”
The couple met in the lobby of the Scandic Plaza hotel in Turku, where Ylönen was staying with his bandmates in order to organise proceedings for the current three-band tour of mainland Europe. He was said to have bought Natalia several drinks before inviting her back to his room. She claims that they made love at least four times over the space of the night.
“He was very fiesty.” She smiles, “Like I said, he was great in bed. His perfomance was unfaultable every time.”
Lauri, who is currently on tour across mainland Europe with HIM and Negative, was unavailable for comment, but Natalia insists that her story is the truth. Enquiries prove that the feather-wearing singer was indeed in Turku on the night specified, and did stay in the Scandic Plaza hotel, but there is no evidence to prove that Miss Kalliomäki was a guest in his room. Natalia, however, remains addimant.
“Ask him.” She says, “When he gets back off tour, ask him about it. I’m sure he won’t deny it. He said the next day he had nothing to be ashamed –“

I push the newspaper away from me, unable to read anymore. I suddenly feel sick to the stomach and the prospect of finishing my breakfast causes my insides to tie themselves into a tight knot. An icy cold descends over me and I feel tears of anger and hurt stinging my eyes as I look down at the smiling face of Natalia Kalliomäki, scantily clad in just a bra and knickers. With a sudden pang in the pit of my stomach, I notice that, like me, she has long blonde hair and bright blue eyes, which manages to hurt me even more if that’s possible and I repeat the question inside my head:

How could he do this to me?

I bite down hard on my bottom lip to try and prevent myself from crying as the tears start to well up in my eyes, feeling hate for a woman I’ve never even met burning up inside of me. Whether knowingly or not, she has just completely ruined everything.

“Jonne, you okay?” Christus asks me softly in noticing the way I am staring dumbstruck at the paper. I simply shake my head slowly, not able to find the words to express how I’m feeling right now, “I don’t think it’s true, you know. I know it sounds hard to believe when it’s written in the paper like that, but I really don’t think he’d do that to you. I’ve seen the way he looks at you and -”

But his reasonings are in vain because at that moment, Lauri and his bandmates choose to put in an appearance, and I find myself wanting nothing more than to just slap him as hard as I can. My insides boil with anger as I hear him laughing at something that Aki has just said to him: how can he laugh? How the fuck can he?

I take a deep breath to try and calm myself down a little, then close the newspaper and fold it up again.

“Ville, can I borrow this?” I question as I get to my feet, my voice shaking slightly with heavily suppressed anger.

“Yeah, sure.” He replies, looking highly confused, “Jonne, is something -”

He doesn’t get chance to finish as I move away from the table and stalk over to Lauri, the newspaper clutched so tightly in my hand that I’m surprised it doesn’t tear. He notices me when I am perhaps three feet from him and turns to offer some form of greeting but, without giving myself chance to think about what I’m doing, I raise my hand and slap him hard across the face with all the strength I can muster.

His eyes fly wide and he takes several steps backwards away from me, holding a hand over his cheek, which has already turned a vivid scarlet. His bandmates are staring at me in shock, and I can sense that everyone behind me is as well, but I notice that the expression in Lauri’s eyes is more questioning than anything. This helps to prove just how well we’ve gotten to know each other because he knows that I wouldn’t do something like this without a damn good reason.

“Jonne, what-” He finds his voice at last, but I shake my head and push past him out of the room.

I walk as quickly as I can up the corridor, furiously wiping the tears from my eyes, and there is perhaps ten seconds’ pause before I hear him mutter something to his bandmates and follow me. At this, I increase my walking pace, trying to put as much distance between him and myself as possible even though I know we need to talk about this.

I reach the staircase and hurriedly start to climb it towards the first floor. However, it appears that he was walking a lot faster than I anticipated because I feel a sudden gentle, yet firm grip on my arm that forces me to stop walking.

“Jonne, what’s wrong?” The sound of his soft, husky voice brings more tears to my eyes and I wrench my arm from his grip with such ferocity that I shock even myself.

“You fucking wanker!” I yell at him before I can stop myself and he jumps backwards slightly in alarm, as do several people that are passing in the lobby.

I turn my back on him again and literally sprint up the last few stairs to the first floor to where our room is located. The fact that I have to stop to find the room key gives him chance to catch up with me again and he grabs my shoulders, turning me unwillingly around to face him.

“What’s wrong?” He repeats and there is none of the anger that I expected written into his expression or voice. On the contrary, he sounds rather worried.

“Did you think I wouldn’t find out?” I snap at him, not caring how much venom is put behind my words, and an expression of utmost confusion crosses his face, “Or did you just think I wouldn’t care?”

“What are you talking about?” He asks, his frown deepening.

“Oh, don’t act like you don’t know!” I can’t help but give a humourless laugh, but part of me can see that his frown is genuine, “This is what’s fucking wrong!”

I thrust the paper at him and meet his eyes in a penatrating, yet teary glare before I turn my attention back to opening the door to our room. Once it is open, I immediately walk inside and he hesitates for a moment, then follows me and shuts the door behind him.

“Read it then!” I spit at him as he merely stands beside the door with the newspaper held loosely in his hands, “If you’ve really got no idea what this is about then surely you want to know what the papers have been saying about you!”

He stares at me for a few moments as though he is hoping that I’ll suddenly start laughing and give him a hug whilst telling him that this is all a joke, that I’m really not angry at him at all. When I don’t, he unfolds the newspaper and lowers his gaze to read the front page.

His eyes widen considerably as he reads the headline and his eyes scan the article rapidly before he hurriedly turns to the middle pages and starts to read what has gotten me so pissed off. In the meantime, I find myself unable to keep still and take to pacing up and down beside the sofa, glancing at him every now and then to check his reaction. By the time he looks up at me again, his mouth is hanging open and tears have started to spill over my eyeslashes.

“Jonne, I swear to God, this -” He starts to offer me an explanation.

“That it never happened?” I finish his sentence for him with a strong hint of bitterness in my voice, “It’s right there in black and white, Lauri!”

“That doesn’t make it true!” He points out and I swear there is something similar to desperation in his voice, “Jonne, it never happened. I swear it didn’t!”

“So she’s just lying, is she?” I bite back at him, again wiping the tears from my eyes; I don’t want to cry over him, “She just made it up to get herself some publicity, did she?”

“Yes!” He insists and I feel a small pang of guilt as I see that tears are beginning to form in his eyes, but this pity disappears almost immediately as white hot anger choruses through me again.

“It seems funny how she knew exactly what hotel you were staying in and what dates!” I retaliate and I so badly want to believe him, but as Christus said, it’s hard to believe something when there’s something against it written in the paper.

“Anyone could find that out!” He responds, gripping the pages of the newspaper tightly as he speaks, “You know yourself how easily fans find your hotel when you’re on tour! Jonne, I promise you; I’ve never seen her before in my life!”

“She looks a bit like me.” I tell him quietly, the hurt I felt in the restaurant when I realised this returning, “Is that why you did it? Even though I was in the same hotel at the time.”

“Jonne, I didn’t do anything with her!” He repeats, the tears now prominant in his eyes, “I told you; I’ve never even seen her before!”

“How do I know you’re not lying to me?” I question and the anger returns to my voice at this thought, “How do I know that you’re not just standing there telling me a load of bullshit?”

“What would be the point in lying to you about this?” He asks and I have to admit that he’s right, “It wouldn’t do me any good. I wouldn’t lie to you.”

I turn away from him again as tears well up in my eyes once more, not able to bear looking at him. He’s hurt me so much; I thought he loved me and he does something like this. A heavy sense of betrayal suddenly crashes over me and I find myself just wanting to hurt him, make him feel some of the pain that is currently consuming me.

“Jonne...” He says weakly, but I shake my head rapidly, not wanting to listen to him anymore.

I snatch the newspaper off him without sparing him a glance and unfold it again to briefly scan the article. My stomach twists slightly as I re-read something that I hadn’t really noticed before now and turn my head to look at him again. The anger burns away inside of me like a forest fire, spreading rapidly through my body until it feels as though every single cell is alight with rage.

“’Very good with his hands’ she said.” I spit at him and I can feel myself shaking a little, “’Very good with his hands’. How many times have I said that about you? And you’re still telling me it didn’t happen?”

“It didn’t.” He shakes his head as though to emphasize this, “I don’t know why she said that.”

“I’m sure you don’t.” I say sarcastically and sling the paper back at him again, “Why am I finding it very hard to believe you?”

“I don’t know.” He repeats quietly, looking remarkably as though his world is falling apart around him, “But I’m telling you the truth.”

A noise of slight disgust escapes over my lips and I resume pacing up and down, averting my gaze from him. The slight rustle indicates that he has opened the paper and that deeply sick feeling hits my stomach again; is he looking at her? Is he oggling her?

“Jonne...” He says softly and I whip around immediately, glaring at him.

“What?” I ask, perhaps a little too harshlybecause he winces and takes a step backwards away from me.

“It can’t be true.” He replies, shaking his head again, “It can’t be.”

“Oh?” I question scornfully, raising an eyebrow in disbelief, “Why can’t it?”

“Because I was with you on that night.” He tells me quietly, stunning me into silence very effectively.

He holds the paper out to me and points to a certain line. I take it silently and re-read this supposedly vital sentence: ‘The incident, said to have taken place on November 14th of last year’. I swallow hard as I realise that he’s right and raise my eyes to his face again.

“H-How do I know she hasn’t just got the date wrong?” I question, finding another fault in his explanation, “How do I know it wasn’t the day before o-or the day after?”

“It can’t have been the 13th because we went out with the guys.” He answers tentatively and I nod slowly as I remember this, “And the 14th was the last night we were there. That’s why I wouldn’t go out with everyone else. It was the last night I was gonna be able to see you for a long time.”

“But how can I be sure that you didn’t see her before you came to find me?” I ask, though it’s proving very difficult to find faults in his story now.

“She said I was with her from seven onwards.” He informs me and I glance down at the newspaper in my hands to confirm this, “I was already with you by then and you know for a fact that I didn’t leave you at any point. I can’t have been with her all night because I was with you all night.”

I simply stare at him as he finishes speaking, not sure what to think now. While a large part of me is convinced that the paper is telling the truth, another part of me believes him. I suppose it’s really a matter of trust. Do I trust this newspaper that has never lied before now, or do I trust the man I love?

I chew nervously on my bottom lip whilst trying to gather my thoughts, and I can tell that he respects my silence because he doesn’t utter a sound. There are still more flaws in the article that I haven’t discussed with him yet or got a satisfactory reply for: what’s this about rumours that he’s still seeing Paula? How did this Natalia person know exactly where he was staying and when he was leaving? How did she manage to guess that he’s ‘very good with his hands’? How can I be entirely sure that she hasn’t just got her dates mixed up? We were at the hotel for a week after all.

Despite all this, the thing that hurts me the most is that, if this woman is telling the truth, he did this while I was in the very same hotel. Hell, my room was only down the corridor from his, and by the sounds of things, he never even spared me a thought.

“Sweetheart, she’s lying...” He says quietly as tears start to fall from my eyes yet again, but I make no effort to wipe them away this time, “I was with you on that night.”

When I merely stand there looking lost, he cautiously moves away from the door and walks towards me, looking a little anxious about whether I’m going to slap him again. Another little pang of guilt makes itself present as I notice that there are already the faint signs that a bruise is beginning to form upon his cheek in a vague outline of my hand.

He stops when he is about a foot away from me, giving me the opportunity to tell him to back off if I want to, but I don’t know what I want anymore. I don’t know whether I want to scream at him or whether I want to hug him, I don’t know whether I want to be alone or whether I want him to stay here with me. I just don’t know anymore.

The tears fall faster down my face and I look at him through bleary eyes to find that he is watching me with a mixture of anxiety and concern. For one brief moment as our eyes meet, I see the man I fell in love with standing before me, nothing more. I see a man who would never lie to me or hurt me like this, and why should this change? Then just as quickly as it arrived, this moment slips away and I am left with the feeling of hurt and betrayal once again.

Then, before I have chance to really register what I’m doing, I’m hitting him. I curl my hands up into tight fists, pounding them repeatedly against his chest whilst tears pour down my face, but he makes no effort to stop me even though I can see it’s hurting him. Right now I don’t even care. I just want to vent some of this pain I’m feeling, to make him feel the hurt that he’s caused me.

“You bastard!” I sob at him, but I’m already wrapping my arms around the back of his neck in order to hug him, “You fucking bastard!”

I collapse into his arms as I break down in tears and I feel him hugging me tightly while I sob into his shoulder. While I need to yell at him and vent my anger, I need the comfort he brings me a whole lot more and this manages to placate me conisderably. I bury my face deeper into his shoulder and tighten my grip on him, at the same time as he pulls me closer to him.

I can’t believe this is happening. This time yesterday I couldn’t possibly have been happier, but now it feels as though my world has just fallen apart. It’s only now that I realise just how much he means to me and how much I’ve come to love him. When we first started seeing each other, something like this would probably not have concerned me all that much, but a few months later it’s turned into something that has absolutely devastated me. I’m so distraught in this moment that it almost feels as though I’ll never be happy again.

“I’m yours, Jonne.” He murmurs in my ear, causing me to cling onto him even more tightly, “No one else’s. Yours.”

I nod weakly and rest my head against his chest as I start to calm down again, inhaling his scent deeply whilst listening to the gentle thud of his heart. Slowly but surely, I find myself beginning to believe him over the newspaper article and I allow the faintest of smiles to cross my face as I look up at him. He smiles back weakly and gently strokes my cheek with his thumb, but we both know that this situation is still far from sorted.


“So how long have you been shagging each other then?”

I turn my head sharply as Ville speaks to me to find that the entirity of my bandmates (minus Sir Christus), HIM and The Rasmus are staring at me.

“What?” I shuffle uncomfortably in my seat, pretending not to have heard his question.

“How long have you been shagging each other?” He repeats, taking a drag on his cigarette as he does so, and watches me expectantly.

“Who says we have?” I question, trying to keep my voice level so as not to give anything away unless I have no choice.

“It’s fairly obvious.” He tells me matter-of-factly and the others nod in agreement, “One minute the two of you are the best of friends, then this morning you read that article about him sleeping with that woman and slap him for it.That pretty much gave it away, but then you started yelling at him. Now you’re avoiding each other, and Lauri’s been smoking like a freight train all day.”

At these words, I turn my head to look over at Lauri who is sitting alone in the opposite corner of the room with a half-smoked cigarette hanging loosely between his fingers. His knees are drawn up to his chest, his head resting against the wall, and he appears to be lost in his own little world. With an overwhelming sensation of guilt, I notice that his eyeliner is smudged and his eyes are slightly red, indicating that he’s been crying; crying over me. I want nothing more than to just go over to him and scoop him up into a hug, but somehow manage to refrain myself.

No matter how much I care about him, I can’t just let myself weaken like this. I have to keep strong, no matter how much it hurts me and him in doing so.

I watch him for a few more moments, then take a deep breath and turn my attention back to our bandmates who are still staring at me expectantly.
_________________
A Happy Ending Is A Story That Isn't Finished Yet.

[Bird]

Three Months Later

I walk through the bustling streets of Tampere with a faint smile written across my face. The sun shines bright and warm upon my back and the gentle hum of traffic moving along the road beside me somehow only adds to my good mood. People walking in the opposite direction stare at me in a manner of mild disbelief, but I merely smile and carry on walking. It feels as though nothing could dampen my mood today.

Today might be the day that my life finally takes a turn for the better.

A warm, fluttering feeling skips through my stomach, like that sensation you get when you’re madly in love, and for once I know that’s exactly what it is. I’ve never been so deeply in love in my life, if I ever have been in love before now.

I run a hand through my now considerably shorter hair and adjust my sunglasses slightly. I had my dreadlocks cut out about a week after we got back off tour and I’ve simply let it grow rather than attempting any new kind of style, so it currently hangs in vague layers near to my shoulders. It’s taken some getting used to, but I definitely prefer my hair like this.

I haven’t seen Lauri since we got back off tour and I think it’s done me a lot of good. I’ve had time to sort things out in my mind and find things to do to occupy myself so I don’t have time to think about him. His band went away on tour again to Latin America only a few days after we arrived back in Finland so I suppose that’s done him some good too. At least, I hope it has.

I shake my head slightly to clear my head of these thoughts and a smile spreads across my face once more as I let my mind wander to where I am going and whom I am meeting. They’re without a doubt the most amazing person who has ever walked into my life, and hopefully they won’t be walking out of it any time soon either.

I feel my phone vibrate suddenly against my leg and fish it out of the pocket of my ripped jeans in order to read the message I’ve been sent.

‘Missing you...hurry up and get here, yeah? See you in a few minutes. I love you, baby xxx’

Feeling considerably touched, I send back a reply telling them that I’m on my way and that I love them too, a large smile spread across my face the whole time. I know I must look pretty insane or drugged up to people who are walking past me, but I really don’t care. As I said, nothing can spoil my happiness today.

I’m just about to return my phone to my pocket when another message comes through, this time from Christus that simply reads:

‘Check the newspaper.’

I frown a little at this, not really understanding what relevance this has, but I can’t ignore the sensation of mild curiosity that is making itself present inside of me so I head to the nearest news-stand to purchase a newspaper.

Strangely, there are rather a large number of people gathered around it, all looking rather eager to get their hands on a paper. My sense of curiosity increases and I hurriedly grab a newspaper from the rack and pay the stall holder, then hurry on my way again. I wait until I am in an area that is not so crowded and then unfold it to read the headline. My eyes widen slightly in shock, but at the same time another smile spreads across my face.

‘Rasmus frontman “comes out”

Early yesterday morning, The Rasmus frontman Lauri Ylönen confessed that he is gay in order to win the man he loves. This shocking piece of news is likely to break the hearts of thousands of young teenage girls across the country.
The confession came when Ylönen, 26, was questioned over alligations that he spent the night with office worker Natalia Kalliomäki in a hotel in Turku last November. He denied the claims and said that it could not have been possible as he had been with someone else that night. This news also eliminates the possibility that the singer is still dating PMMP’s Paula Vesala.
“To make things clear, I’ve never seen this woman before in my life.” Lauri said over the phone yesterday, “I’ve got no idea why she made this up. It’s a load of bollocks anyway cos like I said, I’m not into girls. If you don’t like that then **** you.”
The question arose about why the frontman has chosen to keep his sexuality a secret for so long and he responds with the point that no one has ever asked him about it.
“Everyone automatically assumes that all rockstars like girls.” He said, “I just think that’s stupid. Whatever happened to being considerate about other people’s feelings?”
An insider, who has chosen to remain anonymous, told that Ylönen has been seeing his ‘lover’ for at least three months and that things were looking serious between them, crushing beliefs that he is simply confused about his feelings and that this mysterious relationship is just a ‘fling’.
However, when questioned about this mysterious lover, the singer refused to give a name.
“There’s no need for names.” He told with an air of impatience, “He knows who he is. That’s all that matters.”
Full story, pages 2, 3, 4 & 5.’

I fold the paper up again, not needing to read the rest of the story, and tuck it under my arm. I increase my walking pace considerably, now even more eager to get to the place where I am meeting my partner. I hear several people complaining as my bag hits them but I ignore them and almost run the last few hundred metres down the road. A wide smile spreads across my face as I see the person I am meeting is already sitting outside the café waiting for me, his raven hair fluttering in the slight breeze.

Lauri smiles at me as I sit down opposite him at the table and pushes a mug of fresh hot coffee across the plastic table top towards me. I take it gratefully, beaming at him whilst ignoring the many stares we are attracting, mostly Lauri because of the story in the paper.

“Honey, you didn’t have to do this.” I tell him as I drop the newspaper onto the table and he laughs at how badly I’m concealing just how ecstatic I am that he has done so.

“Yes I did.” He assures me and lowers his sunglasses slightly to look at me properly, “I must say, I’m loving the new hair.”

“Thanks.” I blush slightly at his compliment and sip my coffee delicately, before my excitement bursts out of me, “God, I can’t believe it! That must have been so scary!”

“Yeah, it was.” He agrees with a nod and sits up a little more in his seat, “But it was something that had to be done. It’s out of the way with now, anyway. Everyone knows. We don’t have to hide anymore.”

I smile happily at this and reach across for his hand, which is resting on the table beside his mug of coffee. An absolutely adorable smile crosses his face and he squeezes my hand slightly, gently playing with my fingers.

“How come you didn’t want to name me?” I question as I softly run my thumb across the back of his hand, my eyes scanning his face and I feel a slight sense of relief as I notice that the bruise on his cheek has faded.

“I wasn’t sure whether you’d want to be.” He replies quietly, “I didn’t want to name you without asking you first and I didn’t get chance, seeing as I only got back the day before yesterday.”

“And you came all the way up here to see me?” I ask and that I feel butterflies in my stomach again when he nods whilst smiling that heart-warming smile, “That’s so sweet.”

“I wanted to see you.” He informs me, “Three months away from you is far too long for me. I couldn’t stand it anymore.”

“You’re too adorable, you know that?” I tell him and he smiles bashfully, “By the way, who was the insider? I’m guessing you know.”

“Sir Christus.” He answers and smiles when I raise my eyebrows considerably, “I rang him a few days ago and told him what I was going to do, and he said he would help any way he could. He said you’d been really depressed the first few weeks after you got back off tour and he was worried about you. He said that this would really cheer you up. It was him that told you to look at the newspaper, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, it was.” I nod, making a mental note to thank Christus enormously next time I see him, “Anyway, did you have fun in Latin America?”

“Yup, I bought you a sombrero back from Mexico.” He laughs at the expression on my face, “But fuck that. That’s band stuff and not what I came here for. I came to see you, and look.”

He produces a single red rose seemingly from nowhere and passes it across the table to me. I take it from him carefully, not really able to describe the emotions that are running through me right now. I know it’s only a rose but it’s a gesture that touches me deeply, one that has never been made towards me before. Dear God, how I love this man.

“Awww, Lauri...” I murmur, absently twirling the rose between my fingers, “Thank you. Come here.”

We lean across the table towards each other and smile spreads across both our faces as I press a gentle kiss to his lips, ignoring the slightly shocked, some disgusted, expressions of the people around us. Just as I am about to pull away from him, I hear a slight clicking sound, like the noise of a camera shutter, and we both look around ourselves to try and locate it.

“Ahh.” Lauri sighs at last and nods towards the shrubbery that borders the railings along one side of the café.

I crane my head slightly and can just about see a mop of curly brown hair behind a professional-looking camera poking through the gaps in the lower leaves. Don’t the press ever quit?

Sighing slightly, I turn back to Lauri to find that he is smiling, which surprises me a little as I had expected him to be pissed off at having the press following him everywhere. However, he looks slightly pleased that there is a photographer present, something that confuses me greatly.

“You ready to be named as my ‘lover’?” He asks me quietly and I nod, a faint smile spreading across my lips as I begin to realise what he’s getting at, “Good.” He leans his head back towards mine again, so much that his lips nearly touch mine as he says his next sentence, “Then let’s give them something worth taking a picture of.”

My smile grows considerably wider at this and, completely ignoring the presence of the camera and everyone else in the café, I tilt my head upwards slightly to meet my lips with his and we slowly melt into our first kiss as a proper, public couple.


The End
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A Happy Ending Is A Story That Isn't Finished Yet.